We're facebook friends in real life
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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