You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
