You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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