glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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