Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize