Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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