I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
