I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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