Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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