maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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