if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
ok first of all what the fuck
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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