You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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