Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
