Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
