based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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