I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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