So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Drunk is a universal language darling
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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