I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
