Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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