i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
