Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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