There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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