We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
