Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
