If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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