i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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