Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
