based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
