now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
