i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
