Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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