should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I forget how to act sober
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
