My hand turned me down
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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