I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
