Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Who died my cat blue again?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
