Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The uberlube is also flammable
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
