Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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