I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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