i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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