when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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