I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
