If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
