I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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