He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
