i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she peed on how many people?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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