we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
