I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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