ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She's the barista slut.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
