There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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