So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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