If that was your dad, he is hot
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
