Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
