dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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