what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
