dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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