Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
