Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
