He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
