is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
