i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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