margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
