dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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