I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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