If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
