Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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