i think my tv is drunk
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize