And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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