dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
