first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
