There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
