YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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