Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize