i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
