My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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