If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
