my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize