also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
