My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
