Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
