omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize