If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
