I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
