I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
