Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I didn't shave. On purpose
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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