my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize