you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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