He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
COCAINE IS GR8
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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