i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
