dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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