can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
