Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
two words: eviction party
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
