do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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