Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
