I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
