Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
