Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
