We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
