I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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