Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
