the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize