we made out on top of his cat.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
