its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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