Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
