exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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