when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Randomize